Movie – The Muppets

Confession time; I have never seen anything of the Muppets. I think I felt I was too old for it first time round but now seems the perfect age to enjoy it and in any case, I still recognise many of the characters, not just Kermit and Miss Piggy.

I joined many other first time viewers at the cinema last Friday evening, admittedly the rest of them were under 3 ft high but we all loved it. What I admire about modern day children’s films are the copious adult in-jokes that only we can appreciate and yet they take none of the joy away from the kids.

The story line is of a lone Muppet, Walter, who visits the  old Muppets LA studio only to find it’s about to be destroyed in the name of the almighty dollar by a wealthy businessman. He sets about trying to prevent this, with the help of his (human) best friend along with his unwitting girlfriend, who have travelled to LA for their 10^th anniversary. She hopes this means a proposal but the ‘men’ set out looking for the mansion inhabiting Kermit to persuade him to put on a fundraising television show and save the studio from evil tycoon.

Kermit has to reunite the gang including Miss Piggy, now an editor at French Vogue, Fozzie who performs in a tribute group, the Moopets, Gonzo who now runs a successful company and best of all Animal from an anger management re-hab unit that includes Jack Black which means he is restrained from playing his beloved drums. (Who does that remind me off…..?)

The cast break into song fairly often; when Mary feels let down by her potential fiancé Gary who is busy looking out for his little Muppet brother, Walter, when Miss Piggy and Kermit reminisce about their old romance and .. well pretty much at every opportunity.

The movie leaves me wishing I could travel by map (as in when they show a line moving across a map in movies to denote travel) and the ditty ‘Man or Muppet’ is already stuck in my head, partly due to Chris Evans playing it on Radio Two.

I’m going to have to score it highly since it kept me awake at the end of an extremely tiring and sleep deprived day.

8/10
Smile factor 10/10

Movie – The Descendants

I’ve come a long way since avoiding George Clooney films. It all started with seeing ‘Michael Clayton’ on my birthday in San Francisco as there was nothing else I wanted to watch and I’ve enjoyed ‘The Men Who Stare at Goats’ since. I don’t care for ‘Up in the Air’ though. And I still draw the line at Mr Pitts’ films.

The story is of man coping with his wife in a coma after a boating accident. Matt King (Clooney) lives a relatively charmed life in Hawaii as a lawyer with a considerable heritance in the way of land owned through generations of his family for which he is the trustee. The accident happens whilst going through negotiations to sell the land and as King finds himself ’getting to know his daughters again.’

So far it’s a Hollywood cliché but for once, annoying rich brats become likeable quite quickly. After dragging the older daughter home from her expensive school, she reveals her mother’s affair to King and of course the tone of the film changes. The marriage clearly wasn’t a strong one but I’m glad he hated (a strong word, I know) his wife for her betrayal, despite the fact that she is being kept alive by machines.

The film moves along well with the flurry of stories; finding out more about the wife’s lover (what’s the male word for ‘mistress’? Is there one?), negotiating for the sale of land, mending the family and of course dealing with a potential bereavement. There are plenty of family characters to keep us interested and despite the sadness, the film has humour throughout.

The Oscar fuss over this one hasn’t hyped it up unduly although I don’t think its Oscar material myself, but then as has been proven time and time again on these pages, what do I know about film?

I’m not sure whether to give it a 7.5 or 8.

7½/10 (TBC)

Smile factor 8½/10

Highest grossing films of 2011

This is interesting; clearly I’m not your average film goer as I’ve only seen one of these! And I only saw that because nothing else was on. Review here

1	Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
2	Transformers: Dark of the Moon
3	Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
4	The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
5	Kung Fu Panda 2
6	Fast Five
7	Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol
8	The Hangover Part II
9	The Smurfs
10	Cars 2

Read the full article here

Films of 2011

I’ve leant after years of being a Cineworld ‘Unlimited’ card holder that I’m generally in the minority with my taste in films. I mark the film purely on my cinematic experience rather than story, direction, photography, actors, script, soundtrack – actually no, soundtrack I do take into consideration. Therefore, a story can be mediocre but made up for in action or comedy.

I’ve seen 40 films (that I’ve remembered to write about) and marked all of them out of 10 throughout the year so this is just the top five looking back on those scores.

1. Movie – The Help

2. Movie – Larry Crowne

3. Movie – The Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Plus in no particular order

Movie – Fair Game

Movie: The Kings Speech

Movie – Lincoln Lawyer

Movie – Captain America:The First Avenger

2012 has started well so I hope it continues to do so and it’s not just the Oscar rush!

Movie – War Horse

I’m not as fond of animals as most but I love this film. It starts with the story of young Albert, the son of a hard on his luck Devon farmer who buys a young thoroughbred horse at an auction instead of plough horse that he desperately needed, mostly to spite his wealthy landlord that is also bidding.

The film traces where the horse, Joey, goes so it’s a long film. Firstly, Albert is determined to train the horse to plough the fields to prevent the family losing their farm/livelihood. In the next instance to war as a Captain’s ride, mainly as a rainstorm ruins the field and the horse has to be sold to pay off debts to the landlord.

Joey goes through many escapades that have me gripping my seat and occasionally reaching for a tissue especially the hard ship endured when he gets taken over by German command after a brutal battle but there are also touching scenes of a young French girl befriending him and his new pal, another horse he trained with for military manoeuvres.

Finally the story moves forward to an age when Albert can enlist and so I’m at the edge of my seat again to see when (surely it’s only a matter of time) the two are re-united.

It may have standard film clichés to tug at every heart string you possess but it’s a great watch, indeed, for all the family.

8/10

Smile factor 8/10

Movie – The Iron Lady

The hype is guaranteed to be huge when you take into account the subject matter, the star and the many gags about it being the follow up to The Iron Man.

It’s time to get up! It’s time go to work! It’s time to put the great, back into Great Britain!

I’m not sure why people haven’t enjoyed this film – I loved it. It’s everything I would hope and more. The subject matter is Margaret Thatcher but this isn’t a political film as such, although of course if you’re featuring one of Britain’s most successful Prime Minister’s, politics is going to feature.

I for one was not a fan of Mrs T in her day but having watched this, I realise this was probably peer pressure as I was too immature to form my own opinion during her early years. Now, politics aside, I see what a phenomenal woman she is.

Meryl Streep turned on the Oscar-worthy performance as the film depicts the story through Lady T’s matured eyes looking back on memories. As such, her thoughts dart about and I believe this has been the films’ biggest criticism. As always, I have no need to read reviews so this is just what I have heard via Twitter and indeed the people I saw the film with.

The pearls are absolutely non-negotiable

The most impact is felt when scenes of how Lady T broke the mould in what was – as much as I detest this phrase – a man’s world; her first time walking into parliament, the above quote when her advisors ask her to lose the hats and basically tone down her femininity, the young Margaret being mesmerised by her grocer father giving a speech, first fighting to be elected and then there are some gorgeous scenes of her talking to her dead husband, Dennis, played exactly as you would expect by Jim Broadbent, although the film probably draws on that a little too much.

I dislike too much ‘positive discrimination’ in the job market but it really does help if the country is being run by an equal amount of men and women and although we are far away from that, I’m pretty sure Maggie opened the doors.

The supporting cast are, in equal parts, excellent and amusing (Richard E Grant as Michael Heseltine). The film isn’t in chronological order and nor does it cover all of the many news worthy moments in her reign, but it sure depicts the woman behind the politician. I cringed at Phyllida Lloyd’s directorial attempt of Mama Mia, where she manages to make one of my all time favourite bands/theatrical moments, Mama Mia, dismal but here I have my money’s worth.

8½/10

Smile factor 9/10 In the minority

Movie – The Artist

The most amusing quote I’ve heard about this film, ‘they don’t make them like that anymore. Well no, we’ve had sound on films for some years now. This is, as many have commentated, a delightful film, full of humour whilst dealing with the more serious issue of redundant actors making way for the new breed once talkies came along.

It portrays the silent movie era exactly as I imagine; a bustling film industry full of wannabees, the small minority of which will move over from and ‘extra’ to ‘star.’ It’s on glamour overload but then I wasn’t expecting anyone to be wearing jeans & trainers (heavens!) and although I fell asleep for a few minutes in the opening sequences, it’s just because there is no talking and the music is so relaxing! After that, I’m gripped right up to the fairly obvious but still great ending.

It has lashings of charm, a helping of romance, a touch of drama and even a song a dance routine for our pleasure; what’s not to like?

I would have liked to see a new silent film set in more modern times rather than in the 1930s and I’m not sure if the makers can sustain another one but I’d give it watch if they do.

7½/10

Smile factor 9/10

 

Movie – Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

I’ve never seen any of the three MI movies, or James Bond or the Bourne series for that matter – although I’ve caught bits of the latter on TV. I’m not a huge fan of the Cruise and yet the Last Samurai is one of my favourite films, so here goes.

It’s a standard albeit enjoyable flick with the usual spy-gadgets, impossibly glamorous spies in fast cars but with a few ridiculously dangerous stunts. The typical storyline is something like (I forget already) Ethan Hunt and his team are after a terrorist who has the codes for Russian (don’t they get fed up of always having to be the terrorists?) nuclear bombs but their first attempt ends in the Kremlin being blown up. Now the department that our hero worked for has closed so any missions ‘should he choose to accept’ are now dark, i.e. Ghost Protocol.

Cruise is supported by Jeremy Renner (who even I have heard of via the Hurt Locker) and Simon ‘boy done good’ Pegg. The stunts lived up to the hype and there are plenty of sequences to keep my brain from wondering although why anyone would choose to jump of the world’s tallest building is beyond me.

In all, an enjoyable but forgettable boys-with-their-toys film. Bring on 24; the Movie.

7½/10

Smile factor 8/10

Movie – Shame

I’m pleased I’m actually free to see this bloggers preview as generally there’s little notice and I’m already booked up. However, seeing as it’s a preview for bloggers to review, with less than a dozen people in the room, I wasn’t able to take occasional notes either using my phone or the torch pen I have especially for these events because another ‘reviewer’ objected and asked me to leave. I guess I’m the only reviewer that doesn’t have a photographic memory but here goes.

According to the brief, the main character is addicted to sex and his life is turned upside down when his sister arrives to stay.

I took that to mean that at least 50% of the film will be about his sister helping his recovery; what actually happens is his sister is no help whatsoever, a night club singer with her own low self esteem demons to deal with. So 95% of the film is as dull as dishwater with intimate close up coverage of the addict’s daily (or more) conquests. I have no idea why every women he looked point blank at immediately rose from their seat, be it on a train or any other public place and then stripped off to have sex with him, wherever.

I’ve wondered if you could be addicted to sex – I feel it’s just a matter of willpower as it is with other addictions. As a child, we want everything as we don’t control when we may get it again, i.e. sweets and chocolate. As an adult, we realise we mustn’t behave like that as we will hurt others and ourselves.

In almost every scene at home he’s naked and we are (mis-) treated to close ups of his dangly private parts which let’s face it, are not that attractive but especially not on a large screen.

I didn’t feel the film dealt with his issues at all, rather just focussed on his desperate longing for sex and indeed pleasuring himself several times a day. After all, there is no damage to him as he appears to enjoy a lucrative career despite being away from his desk many times due to the above mentioned activities. This character made me feel uncomfortable as I wondered how far he may do – other than turn to prostitutes occasionally – to feed his addiction.

If it dealt with his addiction at all, the film may have been saved. Avoid unless you are a hormonal young boy – or girl for that matter. Just don’t get addicted.

0.5/10 – there were some nice home interiors to look at

Smile factor 0/10

Movie – Tower Heist

Eddie Murphy

Mathew Broderick

That’s all I need to know for that this movie to be at least half good and actually, Ben Stiller is not too bad in it.

Plus it’s set in a hotel apartment building – actually the Trump Tower at the bottom of Central Park in New York – and I love a good hotel scenario.

When Building Manager Josh (Stiller) finds out that the president of the building, Mr Shaw has swindled the staff out of their pensions with a Ponzi scheme (sound familiar?) he sets about getting their money back. The bank accounts are empty so he figures there must be a cash reserve in his apartment.

Shaw is under house arrest so Josh needs a team to help him work out how to get the cash. Enter the criminal (Murphy) who he has to first bail out of jail, the newly jobless Wall St genius (Broderick) who is being evicted from the building, Charlie (Casey Affleck) who is still employed on the inside and the fabulous Odessa (Gabourey Sidibe).

What’s not to like.

8/10

Smile factor 9.5/10 

Movie – The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn

I just remember the name from my childhood rather than any of his adventures so I’m looking forward to seeing 21^st century TinTin. Although it is still set in bowler hat times and what starts as a children’s film soon builds into an fast moving action comedy as TinTin (Jamie Bell) and Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis) join forces to look for hidden treasure that could save Haddock from being just a drunken sailor who’s last in a line of seafarers.

All the time, the pair are fighting off the wicked Mr. Sakharine (Daniel Craig) who until know has had the Captain locked up whilst hi-jacking his ship.

How’s your thirst for adventure, Captain?

Throw in a couple of bumbling detectives and this animation is a fun packed, high-speed film with no room for boredom that for once lives up to the Spielberg hype. Oh, the star of the show, Snowy the dog.

8/10

Smile factor 9½/10

Movie – The Three Musketeers

This is one of my favourite stories so unless someone I’m unable to abide is on the screen, I’ll always watch. In this case, I don’t know anyone on the screen, except Mr Bloom, although I recognise some faces. I’m pretty sure I saw Jonathan Ross’ face on one of the posters. The movie is that comical, it wouldn’t have surprised me if they’d cast Wossy.

So taking away from the fact that this bares little resemblance to historical facts – after all they have air ships doing battle in the skies and over usage of guns rather than just the traditional swords – this is fresh take on the children’s classic. The Musketeers are now at a loose end, with no cause to fight for, so are looking for action.

Its 105 minutes of escapism if you can bare the annoying use of slow motion in the fight scenes and the predictable script; I feel like I’ve heard it all before and then realise they are pillaging lines from films left right and centre.

Its The Musketeers meets Pirates, if you like that sort of thing.

7½/10

Smile factor 7½/10

 

Movie – The Help

‘Fried chicken just tend to make you feel better about life’

I have a new, new favourite actress:

She has been in my all time favourite American drama series, West Wing, my favourite film of 2009, ‘Away We Go’ and now this, amongst other productions.

Allison Janney (I remembered her name!), plays the mother of the Skeeter and utters these lines which pretty much set the tone of the film:

‘Your eggs are dying, will it kill you to go on a date?’

From the off, I’m drawn to the home interiors; the film is based in the 1960s but happily the well to do featured are in a time warp so the furniture is from a bygone era but the frocks are delightfully 1960s, in a girlie rather than slutty way. The hair however, has a half a pint of hairspray glued on: goodness forbids any respectable lady having a hair out of place!

The story centres on the question, what’s it like to bring up other peoples white babies when yours are being looked after by someone else?

The question is uttered by a writer to the black maids looking after the society households in the southern state of USA who would have kept slavery legal if it was up to them. One of the main characters, Aibileen, has a regular mantra for the toddler she’s bringing up who’s own mother barely shows affection to; You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Separate bathrooms for coloureds is just one issue bought up, which of course is hilarious to us but ridiculously true in an era of separate coloured sections on buses and in restaurants and the story included that it was illegal in the state of Mississippi to move books from ‘coloured schools’ to white schools.

What comes out of the film is the friendships lost and built; lost between the strong-willed Skeeter, who writes these maid’s stories for her book and her college pals – those who hire the maids – and the new bonds she then makes with the maids.

It’s a serious story told in a refreshing, enlightening and heart-warming way, bursting with thunderous humour.

I’ve never eaten friend chicken – yet – but this is the film of the year.

9½/10

Smile factor 9½/10

Movie – The Battle of Warsaw 1920

I mainly saw this because it was on at 3.15, a near perfect time for me as far as going to the cinema is concerned and it didn’t have anyone in it that I don’t enjoy watching. Not because I’m a fan of war films in particular.

Two striking story lines about this film:

• ·         The lead character has (approximately) nine lives
• ·         He survives several armies

Everyone who ever attacked poor Poland, inconveniently situated on the route to the much sought after Germany, are featured; Red Army, Bolsheviks and I think another one. One put him to work and another helped him escape. The other unfortunately, he did have to fight.

The underlying love story – there has to be one – is a little inevitable but I’d have been distraught if the newly we couple hadn’t found each other again. (not really a spoiler)

That said, it must be a decent film as I didn’t reach for the cinema sweets –  dolly mixtures, as you ask – although that may have something to do with the ¾ of Peyton & Byrne Coconut & Raspberry cake that I scoffed with a mug of coffee before I went in.

7/10

Smile factor 7/10

 

Movie – Killer Elite

Mini review: If this film is a colour it is: bright blue with blood red border.

Of course it has Jason Statham in it but surprised to see Clive ‘boy done good’ Owen and even more so, Robert De Niro billed alongside, the latter two making this into a must-see rather than see-if-there’s-nothing-else-on.

It’s a standard Statham film – fighting, guns, driving fast, staying alive, keeping the girl alive, but what stands out for me is that it’s based in the 1980s. Life in Mars (best dramas on BBC ever) it is not, a standard action movie it isn’t either but it’s worth seeing if just for Owen’s 80s’ ‘tache. It may have been 20 minutes longer than it needed to be seeing as the expected twist came sooner rather than later.

7½/10

Smile factor 9/10

Movie – Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Mini review: If this film is a colour it is: brown

I’m the only person in the country it seems who hasn’t read the John Le Carré book, seen the TV series or generally knew anything about this but really, the clue is in the title.

I love the 1970s references; we know we’re in the decade when we see a Wimpy Burger bar. Considering one of the year’s block busters expected all star cast – people even I have heard of, Mark Strong, Kathy Burke and Colin Firth, John Hurt and Benedict Cumberbatch – they all have to compete with the overpowering, leading presence of Gary Oldman.

As a thriller, its slow burning but it kept my attention all the way even after we discover who the bad guy conspiring with Moscow is.

8/10

Smile factor 8/10 including one for the Wimpy reference (never been there mind)

Movie – The Skin I Live in

Mini review: If this film is a colour it is: taupe

…or the colour of vomit as it takes a sick mind to come up with this: daughter goes into depression after mother kills herself (after she was disfigured in an accident), renowned skin graft specialist surgeon father’s concerned, takes her to a party, daughter is assaulted (or was she?), father tracks down alleged assailant, kidnaps and castrates him and over the years operates on him until he has turned him into a woman. And one that looks like his late wife. And then falls for her. There’s more but you get the drift.

0.5/10 as I never want to see it again

7/10 as excellent performances and brilliantly made

Smile factor 1/10

Movie – Cowboys & Aliens

I’m not a huge fan of either Harrison Ford or Daniel Craig or of alien movies so it’s just the ‘Cowboy’ that got me into see this. That and the absolute silliness I expect.

I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain the plot; it starts promisingly with the sparks about to fly superbly between the Ford and Craig characters (disappointedly, neither plays an alien) but they pretty soon are fighting on the same side, to save the world from the aliens of course.

Which brings me on to the main criticism, the aliens? Firstly because they are so obvious and secondly they are bought in too early. I would have thought leaving their guise to our imagination for the best part of the film would have made up for the lack of expected Ford/Craig banter.

I do like a good western though and I just kept seeing my all time fave, Young Guns 11 through this. Wouldn’t it have been great if it was the original Young Guns cast – now all grown up – fighting against the aliens?

The film is worth seeing though just because it’s so utterly daft.

7½/10

Smile factor 8/10

Five Annoying Sound Effects in the Cinema

We interrupt your viewing….

I’ll preface this by saying I simply adore my cinema visits. I like seeing films on the big screen, the way the Hollywood Gods intended. I like the whole occasion; the trailers; the snacks, sitting in my regular seat and taking my boots off for extra comfort. Most weeks, I have a lovely time.

Then there are those times when someone just has to spoil it.

Read article on Powder Room Graffiti

Movie – The Kids are All Right

I really wasn’t going to bother reviewing this movie as it doesn’t warrant space on this blog.

It’s by no means a bad film, I just don’t enjoy viewing it.

It has the makings of a good film, actors and storyline both sound promising but I don’t warm to a single one of the five main characters.

The two children of a lesbian couple are curious to find their sperm donor father now that one of them is of age. A notion I find most odd if he is just a sperm donor and not an active participant in child breeding. Indeed an adoption took place but then I’ve never been in that position so have no idea what it may feel like.

The ‘two Moms’ at the heart of it (the excellent Annette Bening and Julianne Moore) are both irritating . The combination of the controlling doctor (Bening) and the less confident unsuccessful business starter (Moore) does seem to work but clearly all is not rosy.
(The adults are all appear likeable at the start and then they start screwing up. Literally.  The teens are teens and so by their very nature are not there to be liked in the first place.

The acting and production are great and it has some funny moments but I guess I just don’t like the story.

5/10     Smile factor 6/10

Movie – Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

We all know there a dozens of these types of epic adventure films so let’s cut straight to the story.

Orphan boy get’s noticed by the King, in the days where the king just roamed the streets with little more than a couple of staff and didn’t feel the need for millions of pounds worth of security to follow. Boy gets adopted and therefore becomes a prince, in all but royal blood.

As an adult, he goes into battle to secure another land only to realise something is amiss and there is no reason to invade. Alas there are no weapons of mass destruction, so to speak.

Instead, the Prince of Persia, Daston (Jake Gyllenhaal), discovers a mystical dagger which contains magical sand and therefore can turn back time. Obviously.

But all in all it’s a good old fashioned epic, although actually only 116 minutes long. The twist is the King is murdered and Daston is the prime suspect, having been set-up, but by who? In the meantime he and the beautiful princess, as is de rigueur in these flicks, set up about keeping the dagger from the wrong evil hands whilst proving his innocence.

Ben Kingsley, of the category ‘Doesn’t Put His Name To A Bad Film’ category also stars, alas as a baddie.

An inoffensive movie to escape to and under 2 hours.

7/10 Smile Factor 8/10

Movie – Karate Kid

It appears I’m one of the few people that haven’t seen the original but it does mean I have nothing to compare this Karate Kid with.
I’m seeing it now purely for the cute-as-a-`button Jaden Smith, of the brilliant In Pursuit of Happiness fame (oh and son of Will).

The boy did good and the cuteness hits the viewer immediately and refuses to go away. I try really hard to get out of my mind that this youngster went back to school after shooting this and his ‘what I did in the summer’ report would have said I shot a martial arts movie with Jackie Chan.

Having said that, this is as far away as you can get from a Jackie Chan flick as he takes a definite back seat to young Jaden and indeed to quite a few of the young cast.

You may already know that this is the story of a mother taking her son away from America, topically from the broken car industry in Detroit into a new life and job in China. The boy is not best pleased but less so when he immediately starts getting bullied at school. Not by any old bullies, but by the local bad boy ‘karate kids’. Of course the only way to get even and hold his own is to learn the craft which is where building maintenance man Mr Han (Jackie Chan) steps in.

There are some made for 12 year old movie moments like the overwhelming dramatic music when they reach the top of the mountain, martial arts practising Mecca. There was the over dramaticism when the karate kid, Dre (Oh yes, bring it up to date) finds out why his teacher lives in virtual solitude and what happened to his family.

I couldn’t help but wonder why the skinny little Dre didn’t just topple over when pushed, never mind how he survived a severe beating in the heavy hands of the bullies.

Whilst a lovely, sweet and emotional scene, I’m uncertain why the father of the teenage love interest felt he had to let her honour her promise to be at the Karate Kid tournament and yet made her dissect their friendship a few scenes earlier.
Young Mr Smith did terrifically well as he’s in just about every scene and has the charm, comic timing and promise of helping to build another American acting dynasty.

Clearly it’s farfetched that the skinny boy goes to a new school in a foreign country (where incidentally every one conveniently speaks English) and has to learn a martial art in record quick time in order to stand up to the school bully. Surely he could have just moved school?

Go see it if you know any 12 year olds and if you want your heart strings tugged with a smile upon your face.
7½/10 Smile factor 9/10

The Expendables

I am beside myself with excitement to have the action hero trio Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger together. Yes really! I never thought I’d see the day for the Guvernator to be back in films

So yes I’m excited but:

1 Where’s the all time action hero, Steven Seagal. I mean that’s the only type of film he has made; he’s been loyal to the genre. Is he too busy being a real cop? Is that for real?

2 Jean Claude Van Damme. He’d have some moves to share but we have Jet Li instead.

3 For some reason we have Jason Statham. He’s a gangster, not an action hero. Wrong genre.

Mickey Rourke was never an action hero, but after one of the best films of recent years, The Wrestler, we’ll allow him into every film he wants, even Iron Man 2.

The action heroes that are appearing include: Willis, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Lundgren, Jet Li plus Statham and Terry Crews (of Everybody Hates Chris, amongst other good things).

I’m looking forward to seeing The Expendables. I have no care what the story is about or indeed if there is a story. I’m sold.

Movie – Greenberg

I believe this is a first; I watched this movie until almost the end before realising I hadn’t cracked open the obligatory cinema candy.

It is a short film (107 minutes) with Ben Stiller playing a NY carpenter just out from an institution and house sitting for his brother’s family in LA.

A man of few words, rarely of the complimentary kind, he immediately hooks up with his brothers somewhat insecure personal assistant. When I say hook up they have a feeble attempt to have sex before he disappears out of the door without explanation. This episode is repeated during the film and despite the 15 year age gap, she starts developing more than a passing interest.

Add to the mix the reunion with his old college buddies, with some of whom he was in a band that was offered a record deal. However, a few tensions still exist as he was the one that made them turn it down.

The movie moves along at a steady pace with good humour and enough characters to keep you interested.

Quite frankly, if I forgot about eating something for 107 minutes, it must be worth a watch

7½/10 Smile factor 8½/10

Glasgow May 28-31st 2010 (Part Two)

Light Rain

Breakfast is included and although I’m not one for early eating, I’m not one than can resist food either. I feel a little self-conscious walking into breakfast with a kilt-like skirt, probably not the best choice for an English girl in Glasgow. I’m a little irked that the waitress assumed I did not want haggis but it’s a pleasant enough experience and demonstrates even better value for money. Scottish breakfast minus haggis apparently equals Irish breakfast, complete with potato scone. Or bread as I know it.

Light rain is projected and I find myself pulling on my in case it’s really cold, roll neck sweater. The strange this is last night I was cold coming back from the coffee shop but I knew I would be. Glaswegians were walking around like it was summer without coats. Curious.

The rain is mightily strange; there’s one drop every six seconds and it feels like walking under a shop canopy and drops fall of the end so hardly worth bothering with.

I’m too full for more coffee so a walk is called for, past Bean Scene, clocking potential coffee shops in the West End, specifically in area called Partick although of course I thought it was Patrick for first 20 minutes.

With the rain coming I settle for Big Mouth Coffee Co and finally get cracking on the book before discovering a bit more of the West End. I lunch at Off Shore by Glasgow University.  More book is written accompanied by lovely sweet potato, coconut and something soup and big chunks of brown bread. It was just what I needed both the meal and discovering this area. Glasgow is looking up and when I get back, I have a new attic room, twice the size with a decent bathroom. Although it’s another floor up, I have a bath.

I stroll the shops and grab a cinema ticket for later. After 2 weeks without a film to watch, I’m left with CopOut with Bruce Willis which is actually very funny and a thoroughly enjoyable couple of hours.

I head back to pick up recharged laptop and head out for night cap and heading towards my word target at the local Bean Scene.

Cup

Sunday is a gorgeous day and I set off after a lovely bath and light breakfast to another Bean Scene in the Hillside area of the West End. Glasgow doesn’t seem to have many road signs and my map had a big subway line going over all the main road names. I didn’t even realise there was a subway until I saw an entrance this morning. Eventually I get there; it’s hidden away in a lane. Another thing that Glasgow has lots of and explains where people walking in front of me disappear into.

Pea & Mint Soup & Cheese Scones

I love this neighbourhood. There is a Marks & Spencer Simply Foods and a Waitrose which I went in just for the fun of it. They have St Georges flag cakes just randomly placed in bakery. Un-sold I may add. Even though there is a Waitrose a couple of miles from my home and another 20 minutes drive away, I don’t have a car so it’s the novelty value. I saw someone carry a Waitrose bag the other day and assumed then there must be one in the city centre John Lewis. Disappointedly not but I found this when I took a wrong turn this morning. That’s pretty much how I discover most things; walking onwards even when I’m not where I thought I was going to be, what’s to lose?

That’s how I finally realised the steeple of the church like building I have been looking at from afar was indeed part of glamorous Glasgow university. Actually the rest of it composed of horrid 1970s tower blocks and more pleasant modern buildings but it is the size of a small village.

Hillhead also has a delightful place called Cup which offered afternoon tea but it’s a little early for that so I have soup; pea & mint with cheese scones. I’m able to sit upstairs which I note is quieter and thought it was as good as place as any to carry on writing so ordered a long cold drink to sip on. An hour later, it got much busier for late lunchers and it was time for me to get to the cinema for the only other film that I want to watch, the Bad Lieutenant with Nicholas Cage. Bad indeed. That’s 2 hours I’ll never get back.

I needed cheering up after that. I could have stayed in a gorgeous part of Glasgow, enjoying both the sun and the scenery whilst cracking on with the writing. I catch the last rays whilst walking back and get to the local Bean Scene again.

Sun with no rain

On the last, the warmest day I skip breakfast and have a bagel at one of the two final Bean Scenes. I just love this place and it has made my trips to Scotland all the more worthwhile. I found it strange that both wide doors at Bean Scene were open and they felt the need to put a fan on too. It’s 9 in the morning and barely 10c!!

Glasgow had emptied the ATMs on Saturday night at I had to visit three to get some cash, which it only dispensed in £20 denominations.

Still, I love this area. It reminds me of New York in that the houses are similar, with stoops and basements but then we have that in London. There’s a big social culture in NYC but the Scottish version involves drinking. Best of all, the decent coffee shops (the now famous on this blog, Bean Scene) open till late but not till midnight as they do in NYC. Just like one of my early visits to Starbucks (I know, gahhh!) in 2000 on Broadway that featured live music. This was my first solo visit to NYC so it was nice to hang out till way past 10pm and feel both safe and entertained. I was unfortunate not to experience such melodic pleasure in Bean Scenes either here in Glasgow or previously in Edinburgh.

I notice a fair few recycling points in Glasgow and it feels like there is one for glass on every corner. I‘m surprised they are not next to every regular trash bin given the amount of merry people in the streets each night. I have to say, it’s the drinking that made me slightly uncomfortable in Edinburgh and more so here.

Given the number of friendly Glaswegians I have met, heard, listened to and ready about over the years, I didn’t get the warmth I’d expected from the local people.

I imagine I will one day, but at the moment, I’m not sure when I may be back.

Cup