by Rickie J (Mon Nov 29, 2010)
I don’t know about you but I feel a little insulted when anyone suggests I’m a Feminist. I grew up in the 1970s and started work in the middle of the 1980’s. This was a time when I felt there was nothing to stop me achieving and striving for what I wanted.
Read more (Published by Powder Room Graffiti)
A member of German girl band No Angels is facing imprisonment in Germany because she knowingly infected a man with HIV. Read more as published on Powder Room Graffiti
Fashion is not the same thing as style. And being stylish is not just about what you wear. Read article published on Powder Room Graffiti
Doctors prescribing contraceptives to 11-year-olds
I read recently that children as young as 11 are taking the contraceptive pill in the UK. The statistics in last week’s Sunday Times stated that more than 1000 girls aged 11-12 are on the pill, a fivefold increase in the past decade. A further 200 girls aged between 11-13 have long-term injectable contraceptive devices. Read the rest
I’m unable to understand why they – whoever ‘they’ are – say that women can only have un-emotional sex. Translation: A woman has to really like a guy to sleep with him, or if it’s a drunken accident, then the woman really wants it to develop into something more. Continue reading
My rant is published on Powder Room Graffiti. I preferred my original title though, Who’s Zooming Who.
Bar etiquette in the age of serial dating
by Rickie J (Wed Feb 03, 2010)
I have been in New York a week and this is my first date. I’m dressed low key as it’s my first date in a few years but I’m equally nervous and nonchalant. So maybe that’s why I don’t initially notice but about half way through the welcoming glass of something cold, white and dry, I realise what’s happening in the bar.
I knew New York well but this was the first time I had gone for weeks, possibly months, to focus on writing and take a few classes. I was leaving my cherished network of solid friends behind me so I needed guidance and support. I needed to know the real deal, not the tourist info. I needed friends.
One of my buddies recommended Meetup, a website that allows you to join groups anywhere in the world with whom you have something in common. It’s still relatively new to the UK but in New York, where Meetup HQ is located, there is a fantastic array of suitable groups. It was as simple as popping my favourite things into the search box and before I knew it I was a member of the Expats group, New in Town, New York Brunch club, Live Music group, Jazz club, NY Pubs group, English Premier League Football group, and Cupcake group………Almost immediately I was getting invited to events East Side, West Side and Downtown via my home page.
Initially, I decided on an ‘Expats evening’ and invited my new roommate along as a cushion. We were pleasantly surprised on entering Taj on 21st Street; firstly, because it was full and secondly there was a combination of no less than three other groups besides my fellow expats.
Initially, I was surprised there were no formal introductions or ice breakers, after all, couldn’t I just walk into any bar and make friends? I was, however, thrilled with the numbers of people that were just coming right up and politely introducing themselves. Then it dawned on me, of course, people were here to make new friends so there were self-introductions aplenty. That’s what’s so great about Meetup. We met many new people at this first event and it gave me the confidence to go to more gatherings.
Next, I RSVP-ed to join the Live Music group and hooked up with the organiser, Mike, at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Annex. I met fellow music fan and Deborah Harry lookalike, Susan from the Bronx and we chatted effortlessly about all the obscure bands that none of our non-music friends have heard of. I loved meeting fellow writers and creative types at the Writing Group which took me all the way to 207th St and therefore has the distinction of the furthest North I have ever been. But the best was Uptown Downtown; Ladies take Manhattan, run by the effervescent Sarah, which was the delightful habitat of a number of animated, sparkling and diverse ladies.
I first met them for afternoon tea, at Alice’s Tea Cup, so I couldn’t help but enjoy what is my best meal to date in the city. I sat between Carol, the Harlem school teacher by day, sex crazed Upper East Side Princess by night and Susan, the straight-laced New Jersey housewife, which made for an interesting afternoon. After the scrumptious meal we all walked out with a box of goodies ‘to go’ and nearly a year later and an ocean apart, Sarah and I are still friends.
Meetup allows you to contact other members safely via the site and then make arrangements to meet up. Whilst browsing members before deciding to join a Cinema group, I was intrigued by the following profile; ‘I miss having close, long-lasting friendships, since this is such a transient city. I’m looking to make friends with amazing, dependable women, who are into more than shopping, bags and hair.’ I was able to contact Katy from New Jersey safely, and we went on to visit the cinema many times and have become firm friends.
I have met loads of folks, been to new places and made some new friends, all of which helped to make my stay in New York full of adventure, fun and camaraderie. I even met my boyfriend at a Meetup Christmas party and we’re presently enjoying a romantic, transatlantic relationship, 10 months after meeting.
So Meetup really did save my life – well, my social life at least.
Published by Powder Room Graffiti
Initially, I felt that everyone just seemed friendly towards me. Maybe I was a new face in an old bar in a crowded city where socially, frazzled folks welcomed adding another phone number to their already heaving, long lists.
I have always been told it’s rude to stare, a notion I still subscribe to. So why does it seem acceptable, in this, a crowded, downtown New York bar?
Just into my first, beautifully crafted glass of refreshingly chilled wine, I realised that all and sundry were looking at everyone else. At no other time has the phrase ‘checking them out’ been more apt.
The blonde in the slim jeans tucked into boots, seemingly the uniform of the moment, was checking out the all-American denim guy. The all-American denim guy was checking out the petite Latino lady. The petite Latino lady was checking out everyone taller than her.
Who’s Zooming Who? I like the way the old Aretha track put it; literarily everyone seemed to be looking at everyone else.
I’m hoping time will prove me wrong and this is just the cynic in me and perhaps this behaviour is just prevalent in certain bars in particular neighbourhoods, but it smacks of desperation when everyone is looking over shoulders to see if anyone better has just walked in. What are they missing out on? Could they be the person of their dreams? Could they be missing out on a chance of happiness?
Yes, I know I would have had to been looking myself to have observed all this strange behaviour but I am a new face in a new town – just curious, innocent people-watching on my part.
Other than a couple of obvious Queens, with whom I exchanged cursory glances and delightful banter with, this was the West Village after all, I was here solely to be acquainted with one person. I gave up just a few hours of my life to be here. I have the other 164 hours in the week to see other people, do other things, go other places.
Is it too much to ask of New Yorkers to concentrate on one person at a time?
Published on Dating New York Style
November 9th 2008
All roads lead to cake 