Movie – Machete

So Steven Seagal has taken a break from real-life law enforcing to make another film.
He has second billing but it’s pretty clear from his first appearance that this time he’s not here to save the world; he’s here to take it for himself.

This has to be the most gratuitous violent film I have seen for some time but in a good way, if that makes sense.
I didn’t reach this conclusion at the time but since seeing it, it reminds me of all that’s great about KickAss. The opening credits are straight out of a superhero movie and yes it’s ludicrously violent but tongue in cheek; heads roll, limbs break, no-one, I mean no-one can be trusted as co-workers turn on their own in a nanosecond and everyone gets killed – whether in the way or just, well just there.

Because it’s made by boys (I’m assuming here rather than reporting on any research) the ladies take comfort in not having to get fully dressed in the mornings but can run about in their underwear toting guns and knives, safe in the knowledge that their hair and makeup is perfect as they go about killing anyone who crosses their path.

The plot? Oh there is one; the bad guys are led by a Texan senator (Robert De Niro) who is in bed with a host of baddies determined to keep out immigrants from Mexico into America. That’s America, a nation made completely of immigrants.
Some of the baddies (Steven Seagal) are immigrants themselves so for them the motive is business; control who comes in and out, with what and claim a larger profit from illegal trading.

The good guys include the ridiculously rough looking former agent (Danny Trejo) left for dead who teams up with the ridiculously stunning immigrations agent (Jessica Alba) (much better with dark hair and a Mexican tan but what do I know).
Machete is hilarious but not because it’s full one liners but just because its, well, ridiculous
7½/10 Smile factor 8½/10

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