To Pay or Not To Pay

This one may be controversial but …..

No wonder people think dating in New York is so complicated and tiresome. It seems to me that women expect men to pay for them and men expect to pay. Why is this? 

If you expect someone else to pay for you, isn’t it just saying ‘I’m not clever enough to earn my own money’?

If the man is doing the paying, does it not bring back the argument that men then have to earn more if they are to pay for women too? In which case women cannot demand or expect equal pay.

How far back are women going to go? Do we want to vote? Do we want to work? Do we want to be able to ask for our own drink at the bar? Do we want to be able to wear trousers?

Yes really!  I remember going to a bar for lunch with my male boss when working in Fleet Street, London in the late 1980’s. Luckily I was wearing a skirt suit, as is my personal preference, as not only did they not serve women at the bar, they didn’t like women wearing trousers! I never went back but I’m guessing that they soon moved into the 20th Century as had most places in the UK by then.

So in 2009 New York, what do women do with their own money if they’re not paying for themselves? I think spending it on the wrong things (excessive plastic surgery and ‘medical’ spa visits spring to mind).

Don’t get me wrong, I believe chivalry is all well and good. Politeness costs nothing and should be expected from everyone, both sexes. Offering to pay is chivalrous, again from both parties, but being expected to pay is a different issue.

There’s the argument that whoever asks for the date should pay. This should work as after the first or second date, surely both parties will be making suggestions as to where to go so all will be square.

I believe some women disguise the desire for men to pay for them by declaring, perhaps sub-consciously, that they are old fashioned, or traditional. Do they really they just want to give up work? I’m surprised they have time for work anyway if they are too busy serial dating in desperation looking for ‘the one’!

If they are that old fashioned, are they going to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and looking after the house? I think not.

I heard the most ridiculous argument the other day; women expect the men to pay because they spend the most money on grooming themselves for dates, to look good for men.

That is stretching the imagination to the extreme.

I do like to make an effort not just for men but because I like to look my best. Last time I looked, there were plenty of choices on where to buy clothes and makeup and spas etc are optional. Women looked good before L’Oreal’s, ‘Because I’m worth it’ slogan came along and I believe there was a much higher ratio of successful marriages in decades gone buy. Yes we are worth it. So do we really want to share our lives with a man who is so shallow that looks are so high on the agenda?

The one issue that throws the argument out is if one person earns/has considerably more than the other. They are going to have a higher living standard and not going to lower it so are more likely to treat their date to places they are happy to go to themselves.  

Doesn’t have to always be that way though.

Published on Dating New York Style

November 25th 2008

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